Winter break gives parents a rare opportunity:
Your college student is finally home long enough for you to see how they’re really doing.

For many families, this reveals things like:

• A student who is emotionally drained

• Avoidance or irritation when school comes up

• A reluctance to discuss classes, grades, or next semester

• Increased time on screens

• A sleep schedule that makes no sense

But here’s the challenge:

Talking with your student about the semester can either open the door… or shut it completely.

It all depends on how the conversation starts.

Below are 5 skillful, low-pressure conversation strategies that help your student open up without triggering defensiveness, shame, or shutdown.

1. Start Curious, Not Critical

Parents often want answers:
“What happened?”
“Why did your grades drop?”
“What’s your plan for next semester?”

But students hear:
“I disappointed you.”
“I’m failing.”
“I should have done better.”

Try this instead:

“Now that you’re home and can breathe a little, how are you feeling about the semester?”

Curiosity creates safety.
Safety creates honesty.

2. Validate Their Experience

Most struggling students hold enormous internal shame.

You can disarm that shame by normalizing struggle:

“College is a huge adjustment. A lot of students hit a rough patch before they find their way.”

This opens them up.
Shame closes them down.

3. Avoid the “Fixer” Response

When they reveal something hard, your instinct is to fix:

“Have you tried…”
“You should…”
“You need to…”

But fixing communicates:

“You can’t handle this.”
“I don’t trust you.”
“You’re behind.”

Try this instead:

“Thank you for telling me. That sounds really stressful. Want to talk it through together?”

This empowers them.

4. Focus on the Future, Not the Failure

Students rarely want to revisit the painful parts of the semester.

Instead, anchor the conversation to forward momentum:

“What’s one thing you’d like to feel more confident about next semester?”

Small steps > big pressure.

5. Make Support Clear (Without Pressure)

Your student needs to know:

• You’re in their corner

• You're not judging

• You’re willing to support them, not rescue them

Try a statement like:

“I don’t expect perfection. I just want us to figure out what support will help you feel more in control next semester.”

This lowers defenses instantly.

Why This Matters Before Spring Semester

January is a reset window.
Students can:

• Fix habits

• Build resilience

• Start fresh

• Get support they didn’t ask for in the fall

But only if conversations at home don’t shut them down first.

Over the next two weeks, I’ll be sharing more strategies to help you support your student—without fixing everything for them.

Stay tuned.

— Dr. Joel Ingersoll
Author of Fix-It Fatigue and Creator of College BounceBack Accelerator Amazon: Fix-It Fatigue

📣 Want more support before your student returns to campus?

On January 8th, I’m hosting a free Parent Workshop to help you:

• Reduce conflict and shutdown

• Support your student’s confidence

• Prepare for a stronger spring semester

Save Your Seat for the January 8 Parent Workshop: Free Live Parent Workshop!